Oh fuck, I'd forgotten what heartache feels like and it's a feeling I wish could have stayed forgotten. That emptiness, that seemingly never-ending pit in my stomach. I don't understand. I mean I wasn't that into him. I didn't think I was. He never satisfied me, he never fulfilled me emotionally, physically and definitely not spiritually.
Maybe it's that lacking that I'm so used to. I hardly ever did have that in my life. Okay, so there was my ex-husband for a while, and we know how that ended up.
I don't want to be sober. I don't want to feel this way. I know it's supposed to be for the best, but this sucks. I tried to protect myself. SO WHY?
What the fuck is casual anyway? How the fuck do I actually do that? How was I able to do it before?
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